Have You Seen My Brother?

Dear Diary,

Sorry I haven’t written in a while, I guess I just got really busy with “grown up” stuff. Alex went missing, which was kind of weird. They found him asleep in a furniture store. I think he went couch surfing, though he claims he doesn’t know how he got there. Like I’m that gullible! How can you not know where you went? He needs to keep that Oldtimers in check!

Side note: I ran out of milk. Alex is usually the one who buys it, but he was off who-knows-where having the time of his life! After three weeks of no milk, I had to take matters into my own hands. That’s right, I went to Ralph’s and posted flyers with Ralphie.

Lost Brother Have you seen my brother
People were giving us the weirdest looks. Probably because Ralphie strutted in like he owned the place. I had to say no when he put a bottle of Caguama in my shopping cart. Poor guy, he doesn’t even know that he’s too young to drink beer.

Caguama Beer

The Beer of Champions

I waited a few hours, but not a single fax telling me that they found Alex, so I knew that I would have to turn to Craigslist for answers. I wrote my post and then had Ralphie proofread for me. Ralphie is surprisingly good with the English language believe it or not. He watches a lot of Spongebob, so there will be a Spongebob quote every once in a while, but I like that. I had a bunch of nice people message me, but none of them saw Alex.

craigslist looking for bro

Just when I thought that things couldn’t get any worse, Ralphie ran away! Can you believe it!? After everything I did for him! I made a bed out of hay to sleep in–he had a pretty severe allergic reaction to it actually and had to sleep on the stairs. I also taught him how to eat with chopsticks, which is really hard to teach by the way. And how does he repay me? By running away! Now he’s off sleeping on stairs and eating chopsticks all on his own somewhere.

*  *  *

And then Alex shows up this morning saying he can’t remember where he’s been.  Worst part is, he didn’t even have milk. I guess that It’s good to have him back, but sometimes I miss Ralphie, I’ll be honest. I guess I’ll just have to try Craigslist again, but I’ll keep the back door open. Just in case Ralphie ever decides to come back.

XOXO Dmitrious

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