The Legend Of Cave Boy

Warwick Hotsauce League of Legends

 

Dear Diary,

So I’ve been playing League of Legends a little more than usual lately. And by “a little more” I mean I just finished a nine hour LoL love affair with my keyboard. Interact with people? Heh, I guess you could say that I’ve been doing that all day! My fingers are sore just from the sheer amount of pwnage I’ve enacted upon the unready flesh of my foes.

But I grow tired of such silly games. My online contenders no longer present a challenge to me, so I’ve decided to pursue greater endeavors and bring my League of Legends game to life. I’ve dressed up as Warwick! I don’t have a wolf costume, but I put on gray sweat pants, which is almost like the same thing. I was out crawling through the brush, looking for Mobs, and brandishing my weapons at birds and other creatures. You would not believe what five bucks at Dollar Tree could get you: swords, shields, plates of armor–I have it all! I’m a walking—talking—death-dealing—wolf-machine and if you have a problem with me, you can talk to the claws!

OH, but GUESS WHAT!? So get this, I’m stalking my prey, a small rodent of the ground variety, and then just as I’m about to pounce, I hear something like the scatter of pebbles scraping against one another followed by the crash of some fallen rock debris. It scared away my prey and I was left chasing the scent of whatever just scared away my lunch. After the winding chase up a series of jagged cliffs and a steep mountain path, I cornered him. A small boy—dirty, scared, and all alone in this world. He looked like he hadn’t eaten in days. I couldn’t just leave him there. So I gave him my bugles and he hitched a ride to town on my back.

The strangest part though–he looks exactly like Alex! I kid you not! He doesn’t speak any English and he smells like a tire factory, but he is my pet and I love him! I have dubbed him Ralphie and he will be my new League of Legends prodigy. 😀 I can’t wait to show Alex his cave boy twin. Come to think of it, where is Alex, anyways? I haven’t seen him around lately. Oh well, serves him right to find out at the last moment; that guy never tells me anything anyways; probably went hot tubbing with girls or is at Couchella or wherever it is that he hangs out at…

Well, anyways, I gotta go. I’m teaching Ralphie about condiments. He really likes ketchup, but I’ve been sneaking in packets of hot sauce here and there. You should see his face, it’s the funniest thing!

Your #1 Pal,

Dmitrious~<3

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